there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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