dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
