I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
