You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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