Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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