and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
