My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize