There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This house was built for laser tag.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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