Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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