I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
