hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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