she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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