I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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