I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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