what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize