Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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