Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here