Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"