how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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