Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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