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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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• (925): View more from California

  These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Drunk you is pretty stunner.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity

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