Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
