Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
