he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list