my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
