is your mom at the bar?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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