Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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