I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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