I wanna passion pit in your ass
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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