Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
