Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
