Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
