the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
