she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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