So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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