just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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