I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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