I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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