I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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