there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've blown a few things in my day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
