"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
