i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
