I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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