she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
