just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
