she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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