bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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