you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
