i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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