i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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