Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
