apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
