first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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