i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
