you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
