Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
