You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
