I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
