I think I am morally bankrupt
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
