I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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