Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
