is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
