I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
