that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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