If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
