did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
