May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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