Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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