I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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