i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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