i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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