Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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