im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
