can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He shit in the fireplace
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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