where am i from again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
