Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
