So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
