Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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